


Bucky Enchanted

by Justsomeone99



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Hurt! Bucky, M/M, Magic, Multi, POV Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, cursed bucky, english is not my first language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2020-11-16 13:29:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20825555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justsomeone99/pseuds/Justsomeone99
Summary: fired his brain a couple of times, injected him with some altered version of Steve’s super solider serum and put him a metal arm. But not even the most advance science, the most brilliant scientist could change him completely, he broke free of programing multiple times. After the third time, he thought they would finally kill him. But he aging, had been wrong, Hydra didn’t kill him, they hexed him. With a spell that forced him to follow any order.or“As you can see the spell works perfectly” The weird man said, sounded very pleased with himself.“So, he will follow any order?”I got inspired in the movie “Ella Enchanted”





	1. Forget James Buchanan Barnes

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this movie “Ella enchanted” a while ago and I suddenly had this idea of Bucky getting the same spell that affected Ella, instead of the code words that make Bucky complaint. 
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes.

# Forget James Buchanan Barnes 

When Bucky fell off that train, he was certain his moment had come, he just hoped it wouldn’t be too painful… 

He had been so wrong, first of all he didn’t die, he hit the snow and got unconscious, but not dead. When he woke up again, he had lost his left arm and got captured by Hydra, the evil organization of Nazis… He thought that he had become a prisoner again, so he needed to find a way out, or wait until Steve learn that he was there and come free him again, but he wasn’t sure if Steve even know that he was still alive. But again, he was wrong, he wasn’t a prisoner, he had become a lab rat. They did a number on him, fired his brain a couple of times, injected him with some altered version of Steve’s super solider serum and put him a metal arm. They conditioned him, tortured him and shoot electricity through his brain until he could barely remember who he was, and then they made him obedient, they made him comply.

But not even the most advance science, the most brilliant scientist could change him completely, he broke free of programing the first time they made him murdered a child, he completely freaked out. He didn’t remember who he was, he only got the feeling that what he just done was wrong, and he needed to get away from the people that make him do it, tried to escape, but he didn’t go too far, before a small army of Hydra agents capture him again, he managed to kill a couple of them, but apparently Hydra had prepared to contain him in case he broke his programming. The second time was after seeing a car (which he had altered the breaks) slam against an old lady that was walking by, this time he keep the character, pretending to still be under, he wandered around a little, he remembered the extraction point, but then he saw Steve shield, printed in some propaganda and he started to remember who he was, his name was Bucky or something like that and he was the best friend of a skinny kid, well not so skinny anymore, maybe if he could find him, he would explain to him why he had done what he just done, and help him get rid of the people that made him do it, but he made the mistake of staying in front of the poster too much, one agent realized he wasn’t longer compliant and Hydra was really prepared for that, he wondered for a second if he had tried to escape before, he didn’t had so much time to wonder because they erased his memories again.

By the third time, they put him in the chair but didn’t do anything immediately, the others times seconds after he was there, the electricity would be flowing, he was even surprised he was able to remembered that he had tried to escape other times, that he had broken his programming. So, he thought they would finally kill him, Hydra didn’t like when their soldiers were rebellious, he had taken down some insubordinate before, and now was his time. Finally. 

That was also the third time Bucky had been terrible wrong, they just keep them in the chair, they put him under something that make his body unresponsive, so he was just there, waiting.

“Why is this one so important?” He heard one guard said. “We have others, he is not the only super soldier we have”

“The boss said we need him, so shut up” The other guard answered.

They kept him there for days, waiting, he started to feel hungry which was something new since the super solder serum allow him to survive several days without eating (only if he ate a lot before, but that was not the point at the moment). Even a lot his memories started to come back, he began to wonder if Steve was looking for him, or how the Howling commandos were, he even remembered the girl Steve talked about, Peggy Carter, he will never be able to found out if they became an item or not. Hell, he hasn’t probably even seen his family again.

“He is here”

He heard someone said, he became anxious, it was evident that they weren’t planning to kill him and he had this gut feeling that whatever was about to happen it would be worse than death. A strange man appeared, followed by Zola, he had a ponytail and something that looked like ruined makeup around his eyes, he was dressed in a red robe. There was something very unsettling about that man, he was extremely weird, even more than Zola which was a lot.

“Sergeant Barnes” Bucky got very confused, in all this time, Zola had only called him by his real name once, when he told him that when they finished with him there will be no more Sergeant Barnes. “I see that you recover your memories again, that’s really annoying. That’s why we have to take more drastic measures”

“This will not hurt” Said the other man with a vicious voice, he stated moving his hands around and some lights or sparkles started to form, who the hell was this guy? Bucky tried to move, he got the sensation that nothing good was going to happen after the weird man stopped moving his hands, but his body was unresponsive, he could barely lift a finger. And suddenly the man stopped and… 

“Is it done?” Asked Zola, but he didn’t feel any different.

“Yes, it’s done, would you like to see a demonstration?” There was a tone of mockery in the weird man, he could see that Zola didn’t like it either. 

“Just to know if I should pay you or have you executed” Zola said, and the weird man laughed. 

“Sergeant, stand up” He was about to tell him that he obviously couldn’t, when he felt his body move, he was a little wobbly, and suddenly he felt a lot of pain, like if his veins were on fire.

“What’s happening?” Zola didn’t sound preoccupated that his best soldier was in agony, just merely curious. 

“Since his body wasn’t in condition of fulfill my order, the magic is making him available for that” Bucky thought he was going to die, but after a few seconds everything stopped, he was okay again and this was his chance, he felt rested and strong, he just needed to charge against the weird, he knew that the guards would be able to do a thing to stopped him, there were only two of them, and Zola wasn’t even a threat. He launched and then…

“Stop” Zola said, and his body went rigid, he couldn’t move, it was worse than with the drugs, he felt as if his body didn’t belong to him, like he had been left to be a mere viewer, without control of his body. “Interesting” 

“As you can see the spell works perfectly” The weird man said, sounded very pleased with himself.

“So, he will follow any order?”

“Only the ones directly at him, as you saw, there is no need to tell his name or anything, just the intention has to be clear. I recommend that you block any sound when he is on the field, to prevent the targets to be able to order him things. Contradictory orders can cause pain, disorientation and confusion, and only one order will be follow in the end” It took Bucky a moment to realize what had happened, he had been enchanted, more like cursed really, he thought that he would be at least more surprised to found that magic was a real thing, but after everything he had gone through…

“Excellent, you will get your payment in the reception” Zola said, Bucky didn’t even know where they were, but apparently Hydra was still able to hide secret labs with not much trouble.

After that the weird man left. And Bucky still couldn’t move.

“You know, I am a man of science”

“Really?” Apparently, he could still talk.

“Shut up” Not anymore.

“As I was saying, I am a man of science, so it was very difficult for me to accept the help of a sorcerer, but I can’t exactly complain about the results, now I have you here and I can study you, as everyone said, magic is only science we haven’t comprehend yet. Imagine what Hydra can accomplish when I discovered how to make perfect complaint soldiers as yourself” He wanted to tell him to go to hell, but he couldn’t move or talk. “I can see in your eyes that you still have fight in you, but do not worry we will take of that very soon”

A lot of scientists started to enter, with weird machines, suddenly the room was full of lab coats and heavy smells. People passed around him, like if he was another table in the place, they paid him no mind, and Bucky felt horrified, he focused, he had been able to break the programming, magic shouldn’t be so hard. He needed to fight, to be strong enough, he felt when his body started to tremble, he could do this.

“Please do not waste energy, we need you in the field in the next few hours. Sit” It was like his body was no longer his, like if he was a puppet and Zola pulled the strings. His body moved and positioned itself in the chair. “You can talk now, just no movement, this equipment is very expensive”

“You will not get away with this Zola” He heard a generally gasp, no one talked to Zola like that, they didn’t even say his name, just called him ‘Doctor’ or something. “Captain America will find you”

“Captain America?” Why was he laughing like that? “Oh, the same Captain America that it’s missing? The one no one had heard about in the last years?”

Bucky didn’t want to believed him, he had to be lying, Steve couldn’t have disappeared just like that. At least he wasn’t dead, but if he wasn’t dead, where was he? Had he… maybe he had retired of being Captain America to found him, but that sounded unlike Steve, he had become a symbol, he wouldn’t just leave everyone like that… He wouldn’t just leave him like that… He had saved him once, so he will do it again, right? Zola expression told him that no, that wasn’t going to happen this time. If he had any hope of getting out of there, he will have to do it on his own.

“Look at me Sergeant Barnes” He hated when his vision focused on Zola and he couldn’t do anything about it “You will forget yourself, there will be no more James Buchanan Barnes. Forget soldier, forget.” 

Bucky felt as if he was being wiped, but this felt worst, a thousand times worst, it was as he was losing a part of himself, he tried to focus on something, on someone, but his memories became scrambled, he started to see faces that didn’t mean anything, hearing voices that didn’t sound familiar, he wanted to move, to grasp on something, but he couldn’t, his damn body wouldn’t respond. Rebecca, his sister… his… What? Captain America, he needed to focus, but suddenly the image of a white start was so foreign… Steve, he at least had to remember him, they were like brothers… but he didn’t have a brother, or did he? A sick kid? Why would he have cared about him, there were a lot of sick kids in the world…? He was… Did he even have a name? What was that intense pain in his skull? This man in front of him… He needed to remember, but what had he forgotten? The pain, he needed to do something to ease the pain, he blacked out.


	2. Remember me, Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn’t remember who he is anymore.  
The story of what happened to Bucky from when he lost his memories until he fought Steve in the helicarrier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the second chapter, it goes all the way until the end of CA:TWS. Hope you like it.

# Remember me, Bucky 

When he woke up he didn’t know where he was, he didn’t even know who he was, his head hurt a little, he was in a chair in a strange room, he looked at his left arm which was made from some kind of metal, he couldn’t remember what had happen to his arm. Did he have amnesia? It was weird, because he knew what amnesia was, but not who he was.

“Soldier” A voice said, it appeared to be broadcasted in the room, since he couldn’t see anyone there.

“Where am I?” He asked.

“You are in a Hydra facility” The word brought an image to his head, a strange skull with eight tentacles below, but nothing more.

“Why am I here?” He tried to get up, but his legs and arms were restrained.

“You are here to complete your mission, soldier” Was he supposed to know what his mission was? “Get ready”

He wasn´t sure exactly what “getting ready” meant, but he saw combat gear, and combat clothes so he changed and armed. Then some guy with the Hydra symbol enter.

“From know own you will follow every order; you will do exactly as we said and you will only talk when addressed. Understood?” He nodded. 

Time passed, Hydra send him to kill people, it was easy, he was glad when they order him not to feel, because the first time he was a little shaken after his cold-blooded assassination. But not anymore, he was a soldier, a tool created for the greater good of Hydra. Sometime when they didn’t need the soldier, they put him in a freezing pod, he rested there for an unknown time until they needed him again. Sometimes in mission he saw a calendar, and tried to keep a mental count of how much time he had been in ice. But when someone notice they order him to stop doing that, so he did it, he was a soldier, he followed orders. He never understood why they made him use canceling noise headphones when he was on missions, but he couldn’t ask if no one asked him to. 

“Get into the pod, soldier” He did it, he had successfully eliminated his target and know he needed to get into the pod so they could preserve him from future missions. 

“It’s always so easy with this one, no fights, not trying to escape, not hurting us” That’s when he learned there were others like him. 

The years passed, they sent him to train some little girls from the red room project. He taught them how to fight. It was strange at first, he hadn’t used his voice in a long time and now he had to taught them correct them with words when they were doing something wrong. There were some girls that didn’t keep up with the rest, and he was order to eliminate them, anyone who failed, anyone who behave wrong. He did it, even when the girls tried to fight back. They needed to be eliminated, it was an order.

Then something happened, a girl with a red hair had been found snooping around, so he had to take care of her. He took her with his metal arm into the forest. Hydra superior didn’t like when the halls of the red room facility were stained with blood, so he did the executions out of there. He had his canceling noise headphones on. He threw the girl into the snow and took his gun, he was about to shoot her when she threw snow at his face, blind him for a moment. He wasn’t concerned about that, other girls had tried the same thing, but it was worthless, he ended up kill them anyways. But when he recovered his sight, the girl wasn’t there anymore. Normally the girls would run or try to attack him, but she didn’t. He looked around, focusing on every sound. He heard her before he saw her, she was in a tree above him, he prepared to take her down. She fell over him, a desperate measure he thought. But then, instead of trying to hit him or hurt him she slipped her hands around his head and took the headphones. 

“Do not kill me” She said in his ear. 

He stumbled backwards and fell into the snow. He took his gun and pointed at her, but something was happening, he couldn’t press the trigger. She seemed so sure that he wasn’t going to kill her that she begun to shake the snow of her clothes. She was smiling. He wanted to ask what she had done to him, but he couldn’t talk unless he was asked to or if he was teaching. 

“Surprised? You thought no one would ever know your secret?” She had a cocky smile; she was enjoying this. He had no secrets so what was she talking about? He grunted, he was still trying to kill her, but his head hurt a lot. He was ordered to kill her, but she ordered him to not kill her. What was he supposed to do? 

“Natalia!” A voice in the distant yelled.

“Oh no, protect me!” He was a walking contradiction, after she screamed, he felt the urge to protect her, to no let anything happen to her. Hydra soldiers appeared, and his current boss stood in front of him. He could feel the gir—Natalia hiding behind him. His boss tried to reach her, but he stopped him.

“What?” His boss said. He didn’t know what to do, he needed to protect her, but that contradicted his orders. He grabbed his heart, it hurt a lot. He felt dizzy, for seconds he didn’t know where he was or what was he supposed to be doing. “What happened to your headphones?”

“She took them away” He could answer that.

“Natalia… What did you do?” She didn’t answer, but she stood next to him. One of the hydra soldiers turn his gun towards her, so he pointed his at the guard.

“I did what I needed to survive” 

“Impressive” His boss said “Soldier, Natalia Romanova is no longer a target, she has demonstrated that she is capable of anything” The pain in his head eased, he didn’t need to kill her anymore, the order was to kill the incapable. 

“What now?” She asked.

“You are ready for the red room. You know what to do first” His boss turned around. He looked at her, to check if she was still in danger, after all he needed to protect her.

“Thank you I know you don’t do this voluntary, but thank you. You don’t need to protect me anymore” He felt strange, one second he had wanted to keep her safe and the other she didn’t care about her anymore. 

They remove him form teaching that afternoon. He only saw Natalia one more time, she looked bad, like she was sick or something. He also saw a strange man in a red robe, and makeup around his eyes next to her. He heard him said she wasn’t going to remember what she knew… he wondered if he was talking about his secret. When he was about to go back into cryo his handlers told him to forget all about Natalia Romanova and the red room. He felt pain in his head, but the ice didn’t let it last.

When he woke up again, there was something happening. Normally they woke him up, and give him one day to get ready for a mission, this time, the second he stepped out of the pod they give him his weapons and his tactical gear. He had a new target, one guy that called himself ‘Captain America’. He needed to eliminate him; he was major treat against Hydra.

He found him quickly, he was with another man and a woman with red hair. He jumped on top of the car, and took the steering wheel, the car crashed. He prepared to strike, but the blonde man was strong, stronger than him, he had never fought with someone stronger than him, he wasn’t even aware that there were people stronger than him. Then the woman started shooting at him, he was supposed to be able to do this, no matter if they were three against one, he wasn’t all alone, he had Hydra backup. He engaged a fight against the blonde man, who had a strange shield, that make his metal joints hurt when he hit it. What kind of metal was that? Then in with a rough punch, his mask fell off and with it his headphones. 

“Bucky?” The blonde man said.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” He asked, then the fight was over, they took him away.

He knew something was wrong, he had talked, he wasn’t supposed to do that. It had been a while since he sat in that chair, he let them strap the restrain and didn’t move.

“Do you think the spell is wearing off?” Said one of the scientists that was checking him. 

“I don’t know, Zola’s note only said that the sorcerer said something about huge emotion could cause a slight malfunction” The other one answered. He started to feel unease, was he…? Did the put a spell on him?

“That makes sense, after all, he and Rogers were best friends” Suddenly the name evoque something in him, a skinny sick kid, then a man with a ridiculous costume and the same shield he had seen. 

“Anyway, soldier, forget everything about today” He then understood why he was in the chair, he didn’t want to forget, he didn’t even know he could want things until that moment, he tried to break free when his skull felt like it was on fire, but it didn’t work.

He was on the top of a helicarrier, he needed to stop a guy with a shield that tried to take down Hydra’s plan. It should have been easy, but the blond man was strong. He managed to kick him out of the carrier and he thought it was the end of him, but then another man with wings caught him. He managed to escape barely. But he was found by the man with wings again, he shot at him, it was bothersome, it was very difficult trying to shoot him down, because apparently the wings were made of metal that could stop bullets. So, he took his wing and rip it off, the winged man seemed scared when he pushed him out of the carrier. He needed to finish his mission.  
But of course, the blonde man was still up and he was very stubborn, he didn’t surrender. He took his mask again and started talking to him.

“Bucky please, you know me” He said, he seemed so certain “You are my best friend”.

His head was starting to hurt, the words of the other man was doing something to him. He tried to silent him by punching him and suddenly the other one stopped fighting back, still saying ‘Bucky’ and ‘I know you’ Who was this man anyway? And why he so obsessed with make him remember? He wasn’t anybody, he had no name, no memories, he was a mere soldier, he followed orders. 

“Bucky, please…” He was smashing his head against a glass floor “You have to remember me… Remember me, Bucky” 

The glass shattered, the helicarrier started to fall his head was throbbing as they fall. Fragments of a life he didn’t know he had started to come back. A specialized military group that joined Captain America in world war two, a shitty apartment in Brooklyn, a fight in an alley, a stupid sick kid that keep saying ‘I can do this all day’ when he evident couldn’t because he was about to have an asthma attack. The howling commandos. Fragments of the chair, but this time with electricity, he remembered his will to fight against the programming, his successes. More pieces started to come, the streets of Brooklyn, a convention of technology with a flying car that didn’t fly. Being captured and then rescue by his best friend, his brother… Captain America, now strong and no longer sick, fighting side by side with him… falling, oh he remembered falling from a train, thinking it were his last moments. How he thought the last think he would ever see would be the concern and pained of Steve Rogers, the idiot that decided to not fight and let himself be beat by him… him… James Buchanan Barnes… Bucky. He was Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don’t know how the story of Natasha and Bucky goes, I know they met, and in some comic, they got married and everything. But I really don’t know the actual story, like the real history so all this is made up.  
Kudos and comments are appreciated.


	3. Barnes, stop!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Bucky fills in what had happened to him and the world since he became the winter soldier, he starts avoiding Natasha, Steve and Sam. Unfortunately, he runs into Sam… or was it really an unfortune event?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here is the new chapter (I got time and inspiration so that’s why this one is ready so soon). It takes place between TWS and AOU. And finally Sam has appeared.

# Barnes, stop!

Bucky was drowning, but he didn’t care, he could see the inert figure of Steve Rogers sinking, that idiot. He swam and drag him out of the river, before the rest of the helicarrier kill them both, they were super soldiers but they had their limitations. He managed to save him just in time… he rested there for a while, thinking what was he supposed to do now. His memories were a complete mess, was he really Bucky Barnes? This guy lying next to him was Steve Rogers? How was that even possible, Steve should have died many years ago, or at least be really old by now. He needed answers, so he stood up, his body hurt and he was confused, but he had been trying to kill Captain America for the past weeks, he wouldn’t be received with open arms, they, whoever they were would probably arrest him and confined him… And he couldn’t allow that.

A couple of days past, he was now more orientated of what was going on in the world, apparently, they had won the war, kind of, which he supposed it was a good thing. He was now in 2014 which mean it had happened 70 years since he fall of that train. He also discovered the internet which was the best thing in this era, after he figured out how the thing worked, he searched his name. People, including Steve and Peggy had thought he had died that day. He scrolled to his biography, when he was born, how he used to have a sister, his brave actions in the war, his sniper position in the Howling commandos, everything. The website described him as “Captain America’s best friend” according to the page, they had meet when they were little, so they were also childhood friends. So at least his memories about Steve seemed to be right, which was amazing, one thing less to worry about. 

Then he browsed Steve’s name, to know what had happen to him, he read that shortly after he “died”, Steve saved the world by crashing an airplane full of bombs into the arctic, the world thought that Captain America was lost forever, until 2011 when they found him, the article described that the scientific community had been very impressed that Steve was still alive after all those years. Then he knew that Steve Rogers or well Captain America was now part of a team of super heroes, that called themselves “The Avengers”, six people with different kinds of superpowers, he started searching everything he could about all of them, he found out that Dr. Bruce Banner tried to recreate the super soldier serum and ended up being green and strong when he got mad. Thor was a god, because apparently god were real, he had something to with lighting or something, then it was Tony Stark, who was a genius and a futurist just like his father in the past, he watched the press conference when he admitted in front of everybody that he was Ironman, which was an extremely advanced armor he had made if the story was true, he had built he prototype to escape from kidnapping. From the other two members wasn’t a lot of information, a guy with arrows called ‘Hawkeye’ and the red-haired woman he had seen fighting along Steve which people refer to her as ‘Black Widow’. He looked at her picture for a long time, something about her seemed familiar but he couldn’t grasp what was.

“Sir, please turn off your computer, I am about to close the shop” He was in a ‘cybercafe’ that was a place that allowed people to use computers and internet. He felt something strange, and before he knew his hands had move by their own and now the computer was off. He hadn’t wanted to do that, he also knew the owner was lying, he still had at least half an hour more. “Sir you can stay here all day, please leave” 

And just like that, he felt his body move, he didn’t want to leave, he still didn’t knew how he ended in Hydra’s hand or why had he done all the horrible things he remembered, why had he blinded follow every order they gave him, why hadn’t he fought or stopped. But he was already outside the shop.

“Don’t stay in the middle of the row man, move” Said some teenager that passed and he moved. Why was he doing all this stuff? He started to freak out, what was wrong with him? He thought that maybe he was just really accustomed to follow orders and that’s why he had done all those things, but he felt that this thing was deeper that he was willing to admit.

More days passed, he managed to make some money (not exactly in a legal way) and left the States, he had searched all around internet but the only thing that appeared was that Hydra was a Nazi organization that Captain America had destroyed in world war two, which was bullshit because they didn’t disappear they got stronger and infiltrated this other secret organization called SHIELD. So, he decided to go to Germany, maybe there he could found some answers.

He should have known; the second Steve woke up in that hospital he started to look for him. He had to change where he was going several times because he saw Natasha Romanoff (he had finally found her name) in one corner, or Samuel Wilson (a war veteran, the man with the metal wings) or worst Steve himself, out of his country and in the middle of Europe. It’s not that he didn’t want to talk to him, just he wasn’t ready, he still had to find out what exactly had happened to him, why he could remember some things and why he still had some voids or fragments that didn’t make sense.

He started to have a regular dream, in which a man in a red robe cursed him, he thought it was a nightmare but suddenly everything made sense, why he follow every order that was giving to him even when he didn’t wanted to, the weird man had put a spell on him. He started using headphones whenever he was out, he even considered learning sign language with that he could pretend he was deaf and people will stop asking him to take off his headphones when they didn’t understand what he wanted. 

He continued like that a long time, looking for Hydra, earning money in the most legal and honest way possible but always being pay in cash. Going around, training a little. He knew something bad was about to happen when he forgot his headphones at his current apartment, he normally was always on the run, but he had avoided Natasha last week, and the avengers were currently dealing with some stuff so he thought he was safe. He completely forgot that Sam Wilson wasn’t an avenger. Bucky saw him first, and started running in the opposite direction. But then…

“Barnes, stop!” Wilson yelled, and he felt his body went rigid. He couldn’t move. He had learned to trick a little the spell, so he knew that when people yelled “stop” they didn’t mean to exactly stay in that position that would possibly be ‘freeze’. So, he just stopped running.

“What do you want?” Was the first thing that Bucky said, he wanted to leave as soon as possible.

“Why did you stop?” Wilson seemed disconcerted. Question were a little bit tricky; he wasn’t exactly forced to answered them if the person asking wasn’t evidently demanding his answer. “C’mon Barnes, answer me” When they said that he couldn’t avoid it, he was forced to answer.

“Just because” Answer was differently that telling the truth.

“Really? Answer sincerely this time, will you?” He was kind of mad that Bucky had avoided his question and Bucky wanted to strangle him, he knew that Wilson didn’t knew about his condition, but it felt like he did.

“Because you order me to stop, happy?” Wilson blinked. And that’s how everything ended, Wilson now knew his secret, his condition, he was going to make him go with him. Go to Steve, unwillingly. 

“What?” He tried to fought the urge, the fucking necessity of answer, but he couldn’t, he wondered if this is how truth serums felt.

“I said that I stopped because you order me to do it”

“And what? You follow every order that people gave you or what?” He was mocking him, and Bucky despise him.

“Yes, actually I do” He tried to transmit all the anger he had and the words came out like venom.

“What the fuck? Are you making fun of me?” Now they were both pissed at each other.

“No, I’m not, even if I wish I was.” 

“So… if I tell you ‘Rise your right arm’” He hoped his face transmitted how bothersome he was finding this situation, he didn’t even fight, he just let his arm rise.

“Holy shit…” Now was the moment Wilson realize that he could do with him whatever he wanted, make him go with him, take him to the States and he couldn’t do anything about it. He resigned. “Put your hand down, I mean, shit, do whatever you want or well, stop doing what I ordered you, just do… damn just—” He knocked him out and ran.

Bucky didn’t know why Wilson hadn’t take advantage of what he discovered, but he was kind of glad he didn’t. He wasn’t sure what to do next, Wilson probably told Steve what he found and he knew Steve he was capable of using his curse against him, force him to go back and then he would felt very bad about it and at the same time he wouldn’t be able to hide how happy he was that Bucky was again there. He needed to move again, he bought wireless headphones, and started to practice putting white noise to block everything in the moment he needed to. He encountered Steve once after that, and he managed to block the noise, but Steve had said his name before. It was strange, if Steve knew about his condition he probably would have started with a ‘wait’ or ‘don’t leave’. 

He was in Nepal following a lead of the sorcerer that possibly had cursed him, when he saw Wilson again. He was sitting in a café, looking carefree, they made eye contact. Bucky waited, but Wilson stood there. After a while he left but left in the table a paper. Bucky approached slowly; he had the white noise on. He took the paper and read it ‘We can talk like this if you want or you can ignore this complete if that’s what you. Do written order affects you?’ He smiled; he could see how much Wilson had struggled to write this simple note. The next day, he saw Wilson in the same café and he decided talk to him.

“No” He told him when he sat in front of him.

“No?” He could see that Wilson was happy that he decided to join him.

“No, written order can’t affect me. Imagine how horrible my life would be if I had to stop every time a saw a ‘stop’ sign” He chuckled and Wilson laughed.

“It would be absolutely hell” The fall silent quickly and the more time it passed the more uncomfortable it was.

“Did you tell Steve?” He asked.

“No, well I tell him that I had seen you, tried to chase you and failed after you attack me. I needed to explain why I had a black eye when I came back. Not cool hitting me by the way.” Apparently, this time it was Bucky turn to make the questions.

“Why didn’t you tell him?”

“Because I felt like if that was something you should do. I mean, we are talking about your free will man. Also, if I tell Steve he would probably use it against you, and then feel bad about it but being happy at the same time because he got you back” He was impressed, Wilson knew Steve really well. And Steve hadn’t changed a lot. 

“That’s true” They ordered something, because the owner was watching them with a stern look, like if he wanted to approach them and kick them out.

“So, what are you doing?” Wilson asked.

“What do you mean?” He was surprised that only with his past interaction the other had cached that he could ask questions simply without any pressing need to get an answer and Bucky wouldn’t be forced to answered them.

“You know, all this running, going on a world tour” He waved vaguely.

“I want to know what happened to me and if there is a way to reverse it” He hadn’t found anything concrete yet but he was sure he was close to something.

“And why you don’t let us help you?”

“Because I know Steve, if he founds out, I wouldn’t be able to leave his sight, he would worry and probably never talk to me again for fear of making me do something against my will but at the same time he will use it to stop me from doing something he would consider too dangerous. I don’t want him to treat me like I am something unstable that needs protection, you know?”

“I get it” 

They stayed there for hours talking about everything and anything, he found out that Wilson got his wings in a project of the army called ‘Falcon’. Bucky told him how much the world has changed since he was little. They talked and talked. Bucky hadn’t talked to anybody in seventy years, he missed this, and a Wilson was… well he was funny and annoying and liked to get in his nerves, Bucky enjoyed doing the same, they bickered, fought, disputed in a lot of things but with no real feeling. He was impressed that in all the time they were there Wilson hadn’t give him any order, except one he had told him ‘get your fork out of the last piece of my cake Barnes’ and Bucky told he that was cheating he didn’t seem to mind when he eat the last piece of cake with a smug smile. 

“I need to get going” Wilson said.

“Why?” He didn’t mean to sound so… sad? But he was really enjoying himself.

“I’m supposed to be home in twenty hours for my niece birthday, and my sister will kill me if I’m not there” He already knew that Wilson had a sister, he had do his research, he didn’t know they were that close, that made him miss his own sister a little.

“Okay, bye then” He told him.

“Don’t look so devastated that I’m leaving” He responded sarcastically. “Also, what I am supposed to tell Steve?”

“Uh… tell him that you saw me and I told you to stop looking for me?” He knew that Wilson had loyalty towards Steve and probably didn’t feel comfortable lying to him. 

“Okay, sound good. But don’t hit me this time.” He smiled and looked at Wilson that was now standing.

“That was a one-time thing” He hoped the not exactly casual encounters were not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for the record, this a Steve friendly fic! I really like the character but sometimes he was just to dense. Hope you liked this chapter, next one may contain CA:CW or not, that depends of how long I write the future interactions between Bucky and Sam.  
Comments and kudos are appreciated <3


	4. Soldier, you know what to do.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky deals with Sam’s betrayal, and Civil War happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I´m not dead, I was just saving the semester. Sorry this took too long, but at least it´s a long chapter. I hope you like it (Bucky seems kind of depressed at the beginning, so this is a warning)

# Soldier, you know what to do.

Bucky was crumbled beside his bed, he could barely breathe, he felt tears running down his cheeks, he had tried to calm himself down a couple of time, before giving up and deciding that it was better to just let his emotions flow… He had passed so many years without feeling anything that right now he wasn’t even sure what he was feeling. He felt his chest hurt, his throat was burning and his nose felt congestion, if he didn’t know he couldn’t get sick, he would probably think he was ill. His mind was running, thinking if maybe that was always Sam’s goal, to make him trust him so he couldn’t block him, gaining his trust to make him drop his guard around him. The worst part was that some part of him couldn’t believe what just happened, it still held Sam in a friendly category, still appreciated him… fuck maybe even wanted to talk to him, to make him explain what had happened, to tell him he could forgive him. He got up and looked at himself in the mirror, he looked terrible, worse than he had ever been. 

“Forget” He told his reflection “Do not feel anymore” 

But nothing happened, his reflection stare back at him with the same broken look as before, he suddenly felt angry, why could everybody order him what to do and he couldn’t, why this stupid course couldn’t serve him for once. He punched the mirror, accidentally with his right arm. He felt the sharp pieces penetrate his skin, he started at his bloody hand for a while, he decided to go to sleep, at least that way he couldn’t be conscious of everything.

Of course, his brain decided to not shut down and he dream, he was held in that damn chair again, he was alone and scared, he looked and his hands weren’t secured, but he couldn’t move or scream. He didn’t know what to expect, was his going to be there for eternity? He would stay there forever? Immobile. In his nightmare a man with a red robe and a hydra emblem approached; his eyes were surrounded by a dark fire. He was smiling, he was saying something but Bucky couldn’t hear anything. The scene changed and he could feel someone passing an arm around him in a friendly manner, in front of him all the people he had killed, they were dropping down, it took him a moment to realize that it was him who has killing them, his metal arm pulling the trigger repeatedly. The person next to him was laughing, a cruel laugh, as if him was enjoying the killing. Bucky looked at the other person, it was Sam, he was smiling mischievously, patting him lightly. He put his googles and the hydra symbol flashed in them, then he took off.

Bucky wake up with a broken scream, his hands were shaking and he freaked out when he saw that his right hand had blood in it, he wondered immediately who had he hurt this time. It took him some time to catch up, that was his own blood. He hadn’t had a nightmare in a long time, at least not one that weren’t his own memories of his winter soldier era. He was so tired. 

He spent several days expecting the damn phone to ring, to hear someone in the other side telling him to go to the police, to turn himself in, or to go to some place, he even considered that they will send him to eliminate someone. But the phone never ringed. He became obsessed with the thing, he hated when he was about to go out and his body started to move on his own to grab the phone. Some days when he was really exhausted, he crawled unwillingly to plug the phone because it had low battery. He spent days lying in the floor without any want to move, he ate when it was strictly necessary, he thought about all those time that Sam told him ‘be safe’ or ‘take care’ were those also orders he didn’t notice? Maybe that’s why he couldn’t just… He needed to do something, he couldn’t stay there moping all day, he still had something to do. He took a shower and prepared himself to search again for any leads that could bring him to the other soldiers. He owned all those people he killed that.

He entered a bar, when there was shady business. He got distracted almost immediately, there was a special program about the avenger and their new acquisitions. They were currently talking about a red robot or something that called himself ‘Vision’ the put a fragment of a press conference when people attacked Stark by saying why he created another robot after what had happen with Ultron. Stark answered that Vision was different, but the journalist kept pressing him, until he simply turned and left. Then it was a girl, he remembered seeing her in TV before, she was the girl that was crying after Sokovia fell, apparently her name was Wanda, and she had some strange power, the program talked about rumours saying that she was a Russian experiment, she was apparently very powerful, and could move thing with the strange red thing that came out of her hands or something like that. The he saw Sam, the guy with wings, the program treated him as a strange occurrence, emphasizing that he was a mere human with wings, they compared him with Ironman, Hawkeye and Black Widow, saying that even if the last three were humans they had something special about them, Ironman was a genius with an amazing armour, Black Widow was a secret agent that had been trained since she was little, and Hawkeye had probably the best aim in the whole word. Compared to them, the program said, a guy with wings weren’t impressive. They even insinuated that maybe he would be better out of the avengers. That maybe he couldn’t handle the pressure of being in a team with a literal god.

Bucky was angry with the people that made the program, then he remembered he was supposed to be mad at Sam, he shouldn’t care about him… But he couldn’t help it, the man had done so much for him, he had spoken to him like if he was just another dude, not the winter soldier, not the Bucky Barnes of the forties, Sam held no expectations he wasn’t expecting anything for him. He had tried to convince him to return, but never force it, he talked freely about what he thought or want, but he never forced his opinions or wishes against Bucky, even knowing that he could. He felt the phone in his pocket, like it was burning a hole against them, a remainder that his trust had been broken.  
He tried to have a semi-normal life, he searched, he worked, he earned money, he was trying to be normal for once, until everything exploded, because he wasn’t stupid, he knew that his peace would not last. He was one day in the market buying plums when he saw himself in the paper, apparently, he had put a bomb in an international meeting, that ended killing T’Chaka the king of Wakanda. He was now being search by all the U.S government. He ran to his apartment, he tried to remember what had he been doing the last few days, he kept asking himself what day was today. Did someone use him? He focused on all the people that had talked to him recently, and there weren’t a lot, how could that have happened. When he arrived, he knew that they had found him, he saw Steve there, he turned to maximum volume his headphones. He fought him and all the other agents that were there, while he was trying to get to his bag, he had everything he needed to escape there. But in the end, it was futile, a man with a black costume started to chase him, he saw a glimpse of Sam alongside Steve and he knew he couldn’t go away, but he tried anyway. In the end they all ended up arrested. 

He surrendered; he didn’t want to fight anymore.

“I’m sorry” Sam said to him when they were securing him in a strange prison made of glass, he whimpered at the sight of a restrain chair, he heard Steve and Sam protest, but they were ignored. “Do you need your headphones?”

“They are going to interrogate me Wilson, I’m supposed to hear them” He spited with as much hatred as he could. He saw Sam nod to himself with a resigned expression, like if he was thinking he deserved Bucky’s mistreatment. 

He stood there, in a storage room, everything had been fine that morning, he moved a little and felt something in his pocket, the agents had searched him for possible weapons, but apparently, they had missed the damn phone completely. He saw someone approach.

“Soldier” He said, and Bucky got a bad feeling, no one except Hydra called him that. The man started to pace in front of his cell, then he got out Zola’s notes, Bucky was about to scream, to ask for help anything. “Don’t talk Soldier, do not make any noise, we don’t want them to find out that I’m here, right?”

He was right, he didn’t need anyone there, he was going to kill him himself, before he got the change to control him. He concentrated, he broke the restrain in his left hand it was fair easy, he tried to block any sounds, but he had got so accustomed to the headphones and he was under so much stress, his head was in a loop, this man was going to make him do things, he was going to hurt people again, he was going to lose himself again. He stood up once he was free.

“Stop” The man said, and Bucky wanted to scream to move so desperately “Thank you for liberating yourself, it’s better if we talk like this. My name is Helmut Zemo, you probably know nothing about me… But I know everything about you” 

The guy was really enjoying this moment, he had a hole monologue and everything, Bucky tried to distract himself, thought of anything else, he started thinking about Steve, he had looked good, healthy, apparently he and Sam were inseparable now, he thought of Sam, he had looked fine too, nothing like the last time he saw him, he was glad he hadn’t hurt him too much the last time they saw each other, since he was fighting quite well.

“Listen to me, pay attention to my words Soldier” Fuck, the guy had realized that he had manage to block his words “What were you even thinking anyway? Answer honestly”

“Steve and Sam” He hated being unable to refuse to say the truth. He started to think the security in the building was horrible, how hadn’t anyone notice that there was a stranger talking to him?

“Captain America and his winged friend… They hurt you, didn’t they?” How…?

“Only Sam” Why he felt the compulsion of correcting he didn’t know, sometimes he couldn’t figure out if the spell was making him do things or if he was just mildly stupid. 

“Then I’m going to do you a favour Soldier” Bucky panicked, Zemo’s voice had turned dark “Forget emotions and sentiments Soldier, forget their names, the way they make you feel. Emotions are a burden, a burden that you no longer have.”

Bucky felt as if he was being broken, he felt some essential part of him slip away. As if some light had been turned down, he tried to retain something, but everything was breaking apart. In his last moment he thought that maybe he was so mad, angry at devastated by Sam’s actions not only because he had trusted him, maybe it was because he felt something else, but he lost everything before he could grasp what that emotion was. He felt his body relax but he stayed alert. He looked at the man in front of him. 

“Excellent. Now, Soldier Where are the others?” And suddenly all is clear, he knows, he remembers.

“Siberia” He answers.

“Excellent. Now you will get out of this cage, you will make a mess, fight anyone that tries to stop you, but don’t kill them, we need them alive. Escape and go to Siberia, someone will follow you… Let them” He took a deep breath “Soldier, you know what to do. Do it”

It only takes a few punches to break the glass, he heads to the stairs while Zemo disappears in the dark. He tries to leave by the front entrance but he is spotted. Suddenly there’s a fight, Tony Stark tries to stop him, but he easily defeats him, when he shot him Tony opens his eyes a lot, like the shot… do something to him, Natasha climbs on top of him and hit him, she is trying to make him recognize her, her face is making a weird expression, her eyebrows are furrowed, he knows who she is, he met her in Russia many years ago, but now she is an obstacle, he grabs Sam by his chin and launch him as far as he can. Steve is the only one that catches him in the rooftop, while Bucky is turning the engine of the helicopter, he feels the resistance when Steve grabs the helicopter, he pushes until he lost control. Using the chaos that he created, he leaves the scene.

He is moving fast and around people, no one notice him. There’s a ring starts to sound; he simultaneously feels something vibrate in one of his pockets. He grabs the object automatically. Lift the case and press answer.  
“Bucky?” Sam said in the other side of the line “Bucky, where are you?”

“Crossing Brandenburger Tor” He is thinking how can he get to Siberia faster.

“Are… are you alright man? You sound distant” He thinks that he should steal a car, it would be the fastest way to the airport and then he would steal a plane. He can´t go by public transportation; someone might recognize him.  
“I’m working on something” He was wasting time with this phone conversation, but he remembered he had to listen to what anyone in the other line had to say.

“Working on what? What just happen Bucky? Why did you attack us and left?” He needed to find a suitable car to steal, he needed something fast but discreate. 

“Getting to Siberia. Zemo came to my cell and order me, he made me told him where the other soldiers were. I attacked you because you were interfering with my escape and I left because I have to go to Siberia” He started looking for some office complex, people spend a lot of time inside that building so they wouldn’t notice that their car had been stolen until night.

“And you want to do that?” 

“I don’t want anything” He spotted a suitable car. He looked around for something that could help him break in without making a lot of noise.

“Bucky…” He heard something change in Sam’s voice “When I gave you this phone… What did you feel?” He didn’t understand.

“What?”

“What did you feel Bucky?” He didn’t know what ‘feel’ means.

“I don’t know what ‘feel’ is” He answered, he also grabbed some wire he found in a construction site.

“I know this is going to sound stupid but… Did Zemo make you forget something?” Bucky had a little pain in his head, like a flash of something, he didn’t realize he had answered Sam’s question. How could he know if he forgot something? “Do… do you want to feel again?”

He had started to try to break in the car but he stopped. How could he want something, first that was not allowed and second, he didn’t even know what the other mans was referring to, how could he want something that he had no idea what it was, he was good. But he got curious, this ‘feel’ whatever it was sounded important.

“Tell me how it is” He moved, some cop was coming his way, he wasted time and now he needed to find another car.

“Oh man, I don’t even know… feeling is, is like something fundamental. I’m not going to lie to you, is not always pleasant, sometimes is too much you know? There are moments you wish you never have feelings so you didn’t get hurt, because is like physical pain but so much worse, because it’s deeper… But also feeling is what gave life meaning, what makes waking up something worth, it’s… when you see someone… there’s something else attached to them, more than recognition, more than memories you… I’m sorry I not saying anything right, it’s just too complicated. And you have gone through so much that I understand if you don’t want to feel again.”

Bucky hesitated, he entered an abandoned warehouse, he wasn’t sure it was worth it. Something that cause more pain? He still shivered a little when he remembered the wiping process, but Sam was using a special tone, he tried to connect his intonation with anything, but his mind couldn’t provide what he needed, he understood that he was trying to put a feeling in his voice. Something good apparently if the way his heart hammered in his ribcage was some indication of anything, because he didn’t feel his body tense, like he was preparing to run or escape, he felt it warm and relaxed.

“I think I want to… But how can I get back what I lost?”

“This is the last time I order you something I swear” He was accustomed to that, so he didn’t understand why the other man was making that such a big deal. “Bucky, please, remember what feelings are, remember to feel”

He stumbled, when guilt, fear and confusion stroke him. He had shot Stark, he had almost killed him and not only him, he could have killed everybody without a second thought, Steve had had to stop a fucking helicopter. What had he done? He had failed, he wasn’t supposed to let anyone known about the other soldiers, and know someone evil was going after them, he felt distress and agony, he still felt the need to go to Siberia, and he couldn’t delay that trip too much. He felt anger too, because how could security had let Zemo in, he was supposed to be safe there until thing figure out, but everything was ruined. Everybody must think now that he put that bomb and then escaped because he was guilty. He probably was hated. The doors of the warehoused opened, he was ready to face his destiny.

“Buck… you know who I am?” Steve asked. Because of course, he and Sam were the ones to find him.

“You are Steve. Your mom’s name was Sarah and you used to put newspaper in your shoes” Steve smiled and maybe teared up. 

“He couldn’t read that in a biography” He said, and looked at Sam that had an unimpressed look.

“And just like that we’re are supposed to be cool?” He asked, with false annoyance. When Steve turn to look at Bucky again, he saw Sam had sad smile and then he tilde his head a little, as if he was silently asking him how he was. Bucky smiled a little to comfort him, he was still hurt because of what he had done, but Sam had saved him with that stupid phone. 

The three of them talked and they decided to go to Siberia, to prevent that Zemo waked the other soldiers. Steve left to find a transport while he and Sam stayed hidden. He didn’t want to stay alone with Sam but he didn’t have a choice. They stood awkwardly for a few minutes until Sam started to talk.

“I’m sorr—”

“Don’t” Bucky said “I don’t want your apology”

“And why not?” He sounded indignant.

“Because it saved me, your stupid phone and your asshole order saved me. Thanks to ‘keep it with you’ the damn thing disappeared or some shit and the agents didn’t find it and took it. You should be proud; you knew how to handle someone with my condition perfectly.” He was annoyed and hurt. His word carried all of that, he didn’t want the other to apologize because he didn’t want to forgive him. 

“That doesn’t mean that what I did was right. It doesn’t matter the result I shouldn’t have—"

“I don’t care” He interrupted again “Save it Sam, I don’t want to hear it. Congrats you took advantage of me and saved a lot of people.” He wanted to ask if he had planned that all along or if their friendship had something real. He felt bad for feeling good when Sam winced at his accusation. 

“Bucky I really didn’t mean to—”

“I said I don’t want to hear it. You did what you did, willingly, so suffer the consequences.” The other didn’t say anything else; Bucky could feel that Sam was now annoyed, but he didn’t care.

Steve reappeared with a bright yellow car, which apparently, he thought it would be the best when they wanted to pass unnoticed. They just needed to go to the airport, steal a plane, and go to Siberia before Zemo. Steve knew that Stark was going after them, so he made a few phone calls, and suddenly two other people appeared, Bucky recognized Hawkeye from his investigation about the avenges, but he didn’t know the overexcited guy who looked to be living the dream shaking Steve’s hand. He apologized to Sam for something and he wanted to ask what had happen between them, but that meant talking to Sam again or to the new guy, and no one of that seemed like good options at the moment. A girl with a red coat was there too, Wanda actually, she looked a little annoyed and heart broken. 

Bucky didn’t want to fight anymore, he knew it was inevitable, in the airport there were other expecting them, Stark demand that they surrender, but they didn’t, then a weird dude with a red and blue suit jumped out of nowhere and took Steve´s shield, he sounded like a kid, and he got angry at Stark, how could he drag a kid into this? The fight begun, everyone was fighting, Bucky tried to avoid the man in the panther costume, he seemed really determined to kill him, and even after all, he didn’t want to die. He followed the strange kid with webs to the inside of the airport, he tried to hit him to knock him out, so he would be out of all this mess, but he stopped his metal arm. Bucky was impressed by the strength of the kid, and by his enthusiasm in the battle, he was amazed by his arm, instead of terrified or disgusted. Sam took him out of him but the kid was to fast, and seemed to be able to avoid almost anything that got thrown at his way, even bullets. Also, he threw some sticky fluid, he saw Sam got caught against a railing, he didn’t think before he acted, he put himself between the imminent blow and Sam and both fell. The kid was monologing something about making Stark proud or something, when finally, Sam got rid of him. 

“You couldn’t have done that earlier?” He teased.

“I hate you” Bucky smiled; he didn’t hear any sincerity in Sam’s response. He used his free hand and set them free. They run again into the battle, Bucky wasn’t in a hurry, still not fond of battles, so he kept running at the same speed Sam was going, even if he could go so much faster than him.

Steve and him managed to get to plane, thanks to Natasha’s betrayal. Sam was supposed to fly into the ship, but War Machine fell. He wanted to scream, tell Sam to forget about the fallen man, that he needed him beside him for this. But he knew he couldn’t do that, Sam had been a paramedic, he couldn’t let someone behind, he had to go to their rescue, it would be so selfish of him to asking him to joined them in that moment. He hoped the armour had take the blow and the man inside it was fine. 

They flew in silence for a while. 

“How…? Bucky…” He hadn’t realized that this was the first time he and Steve were alone, probably his… friend? He wasn’t sure if Steve hoped to meet with the Bucky, he saw fall of that train or if he was prepared for this new broken version of him. 

“Yeah?” They had a lot of time until they reached Siberia, so he thought it was best to start this awkward conversation. 

“How you been? I mean, after Hydra and Shield fell, I search everywhere for you, and when I couldn’t Sam and Natasha helped.”

“I know” He wanted to tell Steve all about Sam, but he didn’t want Steve to feel as if Sam had betrayed him or something.

“I’m glad you know, so tell me, where have you been? Why did you hide? What have you been doing all this time?” He felt a pain in his chest, Steve had told him an order, he didn’t know everything about him, and now he was being forced to tell him… even if he didn’t want to.

“Around the world, almost every city that where Hydra once put a foot…” He felt tears in the corner of his eyes, he didn’t want to do this, he wanted to keep his secrets, to be able to decided what to say but he couldn’t, he felt his mouth open again “I hide because I’m cursed and I’ve been trying to find a cure for my situation” He had managed to keep thing vague, but he saw Steve’s determined look, this questioning hadn’t ended.

“Cursed? What are you talking about? Explain it, please Bucky I need to know so I can help you”

“I follow orders” Steve confused face got him talking again “Hydra hired a sorcerer, when I was held captive, they wanted a 100% obedient soldier, so the sorcerer cursed me, I follow every order, no matter who say it, I can’t even stand some jokes, because my body reacts, I got no control of what I do if someone orders me something. I can’t fight it I never could.”

“Oh my god Bucky, I’m so sorry that happened to you… If I have reach you that day…” Steve sounded tormented. 

“This is not your fault, it’s Hydra’s” He sometimes believed it was his own fault, if he had died when he fell off that train, if he had tried harder to escape, if he had found a way to get a hold of the sorcerer before he got cursed if he had fought harder, but he couldn’t tell that to Steve or they would entered a loop of blame in themselves.

“This is terrible, if someone else knew… Zemo knows?”

“Yes, he does”

“Anyone else?” It was a question, he tried to distinguish the tone, was it a demand or mere curiosity? “Bucky this is important, someone else know?” A demand then.

“Sam, Sam knows”

“What? How?” 

“He found me, more than a year ago, he saw me and shouted, he told me to stop, so I did… In less than a minute he knew about the course”

“He never told me that, he always said he never found you, that the lead was wrong or gone cold” Steve sounded disbelieved.

“I told him not to tell you” Steve was pacing inside the plane, like he was conflicted “I didn’t want… You don’t understand Steve, I’m cursed, people around me hurt me, even if they don’t mean to” He wasn’t talking about Sam, he tried to convince himself of that, because he never knew his real intention with the phone, he still didn’t know why he did it, why he betray him like that. 

“Hurt you? I would never do that Bucky, we could have found a cure together, I could have helped you!” They were slowly raising their voices.

“How? How could you have help me!? No one can help me! I searched everywhere, there are no more sorcerers or if they are, they are too well hidden. I’m doomed for the rest of my life” It was the first time he said it out loud, he always saved a little bit of hope, but this time he couldn’t anymore.

“We would have figure it out Buck, like old times, remember?” 

“No Steve, I’m not the same Bucky you lost, I barely remember those ‘old times’ my head is a mess, I can’t be trusted. A slip and I will be in full Winter Soldier mode again, is not safe. I think…” _I think is better if go under again_, he almost said, if the autopilot of the ship hadn’t warned them that they were arriving at their destiny.

Bucky was surprised, Zemo had killed the other soldiers, he didn’t plan on using them. He felt relived and then felt bad for being relived, these people hadn’t had a choice either, it wasn’t their fault, and now they couldn’t make things right. 

And then the worst happened. Stark arrived in peace, but Zemo had something planned. He watched himself killing Stark´s parents, he didn’t remember that, he didn’t know he had done that. But apparently Steve did. He was willing to take his punishment, whatever Stark needed to do, he had killed his parents after all. But Steve screamed at him, told him to fight and his body moved on his own. He didn’t get it. He wasn’t sure Stark would kill him, but apparently Steve didn’t want to risk anything. He felt the worst pain when his arm got blown up, he almost fainted, if it wasn’t by Steve insistent ‘stay awake’. 

His body stayed awake but he was almost unconscious, he didn’t remember leaving Siberia, and he didn’t know how he ended in Wakanda with the guy who tried to kill him twice now offering a safe place and the best medical attention. He asked if they could put him in cryogenics again, until they figure it out. He had wanted to help Steve save the others, but going to the Raft was dangerous and just like he thought, now that Steve knew about his cursed, he used it to his advantage, he had simply told Bucky he couldn’t go because it was to dangerous. When the ice started to cover the glass, he thought that he didn’t got the change to talk to Sam one last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this, I know it kind of feels like too much drama, but Sam and Bucky with get along and talk soon. (Also I was Team Iron man, and I’m still am, but I tried that didn’t influence a lot in here)


	5. Bucky, shut up it’s 5 a.m!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuri helps Bucky with his curse. Then Thanos happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me month and a half to start writing this and I finished in like 4 hours. I'm sorry It took that long.

# Bucky, shut up it’s 5 a.m!

Slowly the world defrosted, and he got the view of a Wakanda lab. He tried to remain clam so he could wait until they opened the pod. But he was never a fan of closed spaces, he could hear his heart monitor starting to increase. He was panicking, he could feel it, he was about to have a flash back, even if it was a completely different situation with completely different people and installations, he couldn’t help it. And then, the pod opened.

“Sergeant Barnes, I’m sorry about the time response it should have been faster, I will work on that” A girl with a lab coat was in front of him, it was strange seeing someone so young in a lab and by the looks the other scientist around was giving her, she apparently was the one in charge. T´Challa had mentioned before he went into cryo that his sister was the one that had made the pod, Bucky didn’t expect his sister to be so young.

“You must be Princess Shuri” He said because he felt like saying something.

“Yes, that’s me. How are you feeling?” He knew that tone, it was the same one Sam had learned to use, asking something like you didn’t expect an answer, it worked really well against his curse. He wondered who had told her to do that, because in his experience (not exactly the most pleasant one) scientist didn’t ask nicely, they were looking for answers, responses and the basically demand everything. He considered that maybe he was insulting the princess by comparing her with Hydra scientist. 

“Ah fine… I think…” He wanted to know, wanted to ask if he was cured, he didn’t feel anything different and he was afraid that the answer would not be the one he was looking for. 

“I have good news and bad news. Which one you prefer?” 

“Bad news” Shuri smiled, like she had already known his answer.

“You are still under the influence of magic.” So, nothing had changed, he felt disappointment and then concern, if he was still a liability, why had they woken him? It was a risk… unless… unless he was needed, something horrible must be approaching if they needed every single asset they could access to. “You are not going to ask about the good news?”

“Ah yes, sorry. What are the good news?” 

“Even if couldn’t remove the curse now I have full understanding of how it works, look” A screen appeared out of nowhere and a brain was projected holographically. He was amazed by the definition of the image and the projection, he remembered in his old days being excited by technology and science, he past so much time hiding that he hadn’t had de time to appreciate the modern technology. He was sure the image was his own brain, glowing red strings of something surrounded his brain and seemed attached to it. “The magic surrounds you, and it’s activated by the things your heard. So, I have come up with a temporally solution.” Shuri seemed really frustrated when she talked about the magic, but she sounded excited about his temporally solution. 

“What is it?” He didn’t know what to expect, his temporally solution had been going around basically deaf, his headphones attached all the time. 

“First I need to ask you something. Can you order yourself?” 

“No, I can’t”

“Alright, then… this would have easier if you would.” The princess made some notes in his arm, that had a strange device that projected a tactile something, Bucky wanted to ask about the technology but he didn’t know if he was allowed to, after all he was still a stranger there, T’Challa had made an exception by letting him stay there. “For the temporally solution, if you choose it, we will have to implant something behind you ear” He wasn’t a fan of surgeries “This device will allow you to shut out everything, like you headphones but better, also it can detect when the spell is activated, even if I can erased the magic in you, I can detect it, it changes when it’s active, it’s energy after all.”

“But…” Bucky started to say, he knew that a single command was all he needed to lose himself, that a simple verb was enough. He didn’t want to sound ungrateful and he didn’t know how to voice his concerns and fears.

“Don’t— since the device is implanted you can’t lose it, also is Wakanda’s technology is in-hackable, and the spell response is a second, and a second is more than enough time to not only block any exterior sound but also to start a recording. That’s the part that I didn’t expect, my idea was that you recorded yourself saying any command, I thought of few phrases that would work against any order… But now…” Shuri handled him something, a small machine “I know that this might be difficult, and if you don’t want the implant I understand. But if you choose the implant, you will have to find someone to record the safe command”

He understood the princess implications, he had to found someone he wanted to hear in a moment of distress, it could be anyone actually, but recording that probably meant talking to that person about his curse and the implant, it should be someone he could trust… 

“Can I…” 

“Have some time to think about it?” He smiled, that was exactly what he wanted to ask. “Sure, if you want, Okoye would show you where you can stay until you reach your decision” 

A woman with a serious and deadly expression approached. She looked at him and then nodded to the princess. Shuri smiled and say goodbye, not after insisting that any doubt he had he could reach her directly. Bucky was unsure of where they were going, and Okoye didn’t seem the talkative type. They exit the massive palace, and Bucky took some time to be amazed by everything, Wakanda was something else entirely, the buildings screamed state-of-the-art technology, but the people didn’t, a little bit of luxury in a peaceful life. The views of nature were amazing as well, he breathed deeply, it was like paradise.

A few months past and Bucky was already installed in his little hut, with some goats that the wakandians had gave him to take care of. He had been talking with Steve regularly, explaining him his situation and life in Wakanda, he had felt so bad when he heard that now he, Nat, Wanda and Sam were on the run because they were now enemies of the state or something, he was glad that at least Clint and Scott could remain with their families, even if it was in house arrest. He still hadn’t answered Shuri. 

But today had to be the day, Steve was coming with him, Natasha, Sam, Rhodey apparently and Bruce who had come out of nowhere surprising everyone. He hadn’t spoken to Sam since the airport, he didn’t even wait until Steve broke them out of the Raft, he had gone under first. He had a lot of time to think, he reached the conclusion that he had been fonder to Sam that he had liked to admit at the time but he was still hurt by his strange… he wasn’t sure if called that a betrayal or not. They needed to talk that was obvious. He wondered if they would have the time to do it. Apparently, aliens had come again, and in the process Tony Stark had gone missing. 

When the helicarrier slightly modified by Shuri appeared in the sky, Bucky’s palms started to sweat. He was nervous. He slightly touched the back of his ears, he had asked Shuri if it was possible to have the implant and then the recording, she had told him that it was possible. So, he had the implants, he just needed the recording. He also had a shine new arm, black and gold, that moved like nothing else in the world, it moved smoothly and feel like he had his arm again in a way Hydra’s prothesis never make him feel. It was still metal and stronger that a normal arm, but he got accustomed to that a lot of time ago. 

“Bucky” Steve said and hugged him; it had been a while since somebody hugged him. 

After that, Steve, Natasha and Rhodey went inside the palace to talk with T’Challa about the inminent attack, while Shuri took Wanda, Vision and Bruce to her laboratory. He suspected that Sam and him were left alone on purpose, the world might be ending but that didn’t stop Steve Rogers to try to make them talk at least one last time. 

“Hey” He said, unsure of how to start a normal conversation. 

“Hi” Sam said “Cool arm” 

It was so awkward.

“Thanks, Shuri made it” And then it wasn’t.

“The girl that looks like fifteen?” Bucky smiled a little at Sam face of incredibility.

“I think she is at least eighteen” They were both smiling now “And you shouldn’t underestimate her because an actual fifteen-year-old kick your ass”

“The kid kicked both our asses so don’t mock at me. Because you were there, remember?”

“Yeah I remember… I also remember you saying that you hate me?” He almost laughed when Sam groaned, obviously annoyed that Bucky remembered that. 

“I was pissed…” The friendly banter tone was gone in Sam, and suddenly he sounded more serious “I don’t hate you, quite the opposite actually” Bucky felt his pulse rise.

“Sam, I…”

“I know you don’t want to hear me, but I’m truly sorry Bucky, I fucked everything”

“Why did you do it?” That had been consuming Bucky since it had happened, he needed and answer if he wanted to see if their relationship could move to something else.

“I…” Sam expression as pure remorse “I got scared. After Sokovia I couldn’t sleep, I was in my house watching as the damn city fall from the sky and I couldn’t do a thing again and then I started thinking what if someone found you and I couldn’t do anything because I was far away, you talked to me about how horrible it was everything and I saw for myself the pain that the curse caused you. I was so afraid of being powerless that I did the first thing that came to my mind…”

Silence was what followed Sam’s confession. He didn’t know what to say or do. He was frozen there.

“I knew I have made a mistake the second I stopped talking, even before you punch me out of your life, literally and metaphorically. I felt horrible and then Zemo happened, and I knew I could do something and I felt worse because I felt relived that I could do something. And then you wouldn’t talk to me, you snapped and screamed at me and I knew that I deserved it… But at least you were there to scream at me” Bucky felt tears in his eyes, Sam had sitting down and tears were running by his cheeks.

“Why didn’t you just ask me? I probably would have accepted it” He understood were Sam fear came from, but he… he…

“I don’t know. I shouldn’t have done that. I let fear dictate my decisions and I know that always end wrong. I hate so much every Hydra agent that hurt you and used the curse for they personal gain… and I don’t think that I was better than them in that moment”

“Yeah, you probably weren’t” Sam winced at his response “But you are now, or at least you are trying… you… you will never do that, again will you?”

“Never Bucky, never. I kind of promised that to you. But I assure you that I will never give you any order, request, suggestion anything that temps with your free will” 

Bucky knew he had forgiven Sam long time ago, but knowing the true and the motive behind his actions and see how sorry he was for what he had done. He would probably have to work on feeling powerless, but he probably knew that, he was a counsellor after all. But for now, Bucky sit next to him, and grabbed his hand. 

“This means?” 

“I kind of forgive you” He said with a small smile, Sam smiled too “I need you to do something for me, you can refuse, but I would really like if it was you”

“Anything man” Sam said immediately.

“Don’t accept if you don’t even know what I’m about to ask you” He laughed a little, he got the feeling that maybe if the world will end going to hell, he would have had a nice last hours.

He explained everything that Shuri had told him, he got too scientific in some parts because Sam said he didn’t know Bucky was a tech nerd, but in the end he accepted. Bucky was just finishing recording the world when the first wave of aliens appeared, crashing against the protecting dome. Then the battle begun. Bucky was amazed how well Shuri implant worked, it even prevented him form giving his arm to a strange talking racoon, and he felt some peace every time that Sam’s recording played, he was still in control of himself. 

But the lost, he felt a wave of something and he saw his hand starting to disintegrate. He managed to call Steve once, before everything faded. He woke up a few seconds later, disorientated, he had fall in the middle of the forest, but he got the sensation that he wasn’t in the same forest as before. He got up, and looked around but Steve wasn’t there, he pressed tried to reach him through his coms but he just got static in return. 

“Bucky” He heard a voice behind him, it was Sam.

“Sam… what happened?”

“I have no idea, I was down and I heard Rhodes calling for me and the I feel like I fainted, but it shouldn’t have been long, but when I managed to stand up everything seemed different, and I couldn’t find Rhodes” Both had felt the same, Bucky thought. He had the sensation that he fainted for a long time.

“_Everybody can hear me? _” Shuri’s voice resounded around Wakanda “_Okay people, don’t panic but we are in 2023. Apparently, we dusted five years ago and we were declared dead. I don’t know what brought us back, but I suspect it has something to do with the fact that an alien ship had just blown up the avenger’s facility_”

“What the…” They lost five years of their life in five seconds, he thought that maybe he would be accustomed to that, but apparently it was never getting easier. He needed to reach Steve. He needed to know if he was okay. 

“What is that?” Sam asked, when an orange ring started to appear in the sky, like a portal. Bucky saw T’Challa running to the location in seconds, and started to move, Sam was following behind. Slowly more people started to exit the forest, and it was easy to distinguish the ones that were dusted, because they clothes were dirty and they had clear signs of being in a fight recently. 

“Who are you?” T’Challa asked the strange man that appeared floating with a bright red cape, Bucky noticed that the spider-kid was there too. Along with two aliens and a guy with old fashioned clothes. 

“I’m Doctor Strange, and the Avengers need our help. If what I saw came true, they manage to resurrect us but a Nebula from the past infiltrate them, and now Thanos and their army are back.”

“We couldn’t defeat him” Said Wanda which traces of tears in all her face. 

“Maybe not alone, but together we stood a change” Said Strange.

As if he had summoned them a lot of other portals started to open and people with red robes started to appear. Bucky grabbed Sam hand to avoid falling, they were sorceress, like the one who had cursed him long time ago. Sam didn’t know that, but he squished his hand in response and got closer. If they survived this fight, maybe he could ask one of those sorceresses to help him. T’Challa looked around, were his army had reunited, he looked at them like if he was silently asking them if they were ready to fight again. He might have saw the answer in their eyes, because he nodded. 

“Then, lead the way” He said.

They won, but the price was hundreds of lives, amongst them Natasha and Tony Stark. After the funeral Bucky didn’t feel like it was the most opportune time to ask the sorcerer, that apparently was a friend of Tony Stark even if it had been for a short time. Then Steve left. After everything, he returned to the forties and stayed there. Bucky knew, before Steve stood in that platform, he knew he wasn’t coming back. He was happy for his friend, he was always to damn stubborn that made sense he never got over Peggy, and know, the friends he had made, were gone. Natasha, the one that stood by his side and bother him about dating, Stark the one that found him and gave him a home when he was lost. And even the ones that weren’t dead were gone in different ways, after the snap, they separated so it was logic that when everything got back, they decided to stay separated. Bruce need to know if he could ever use his hand again, Thor needed time away from everything and what was better than space. And Clint could finally spend time with his family. Even Bucky himself wasn’t the same, Steve asked him to return with him but he refused, he didn’t longer belong to the forties, he had changed too much, he preferred Wakanda than Brooklyn. 

He returned to Wakanda, he asked Sam to join him and he accepted. Sam had told him that he needed some time to think and train if he wanted to become Captain America. But Bucky knew he also wanted to rest. So, after he saw his family again and spend some time with them, he flew to Wakanda. 

In the meantime, Bucky had a visitor. Doctor Strange himself. 

“Sergeant Barnes” He said as a greeting.

“Bucky, I’m just Bucky now” He tried to sound friendly, but he was a little disconcerted. 

“Mr. Barnes. It has come to my knowledge that you are under a curse” Strange got straight to the point.

“Yes, I intended to ask you about it but I didn’t find the right time” 

“I’m sorry about what happened to you, I thought after Kaecilius death, everything that he had gone, would just be undone. I was wrong. If I had known this I would have come sooner”

“You can cure me?” Bucky asked, hopefully.

“If that’s what you want, I will do it” Why was Strange even consider the possibility he wouldn’t want that? It was ridiculous, he would be free again.

“Please”

Strange moved his hands and some mist started to appear, and then it was over. Strange said it was done and he open a portal and left. Seconds after that he received and incoming call from Shuri. She detected that the magic was gone. 

Bucky was free again. Shuri took the implant away. And Bucky walked around, finally free, for the first time in what seemed forever, he didn’t have to be extra cautious, he could hear everything without fear. No one could take him form himself again. 

Then he decided no to tell Sam, he would just say that the implants were bother him a little, and Shuri was fixing them. Sam had been nervous at first, he was still afraid to accidentally order him around. As it was obvious, they started living together in Bucky’s hut, they didn’t last long until some of them make the first move. Bucky liked to claim it was himself, while Sam said the opposite. But it didn’t matter, they were together at least. The spend time sparring, listening to music, watching movies, Bucky still had a lot to catch on and taken care of the goats. They knew that soon the world will need Captain America back, but for now…

It was pitchy black when Bucky woke up, Sam breathing slowly beside him. He looked around from some of his clothes, since mornings in Wakanda were a little bit cold and he wanted to get up. He found his boxers and his wakandian robe. He heard a faint complaint from Sam when he got up, something about getting cold. He laughed, and decided to shake him away.

“No…” Sam complained trying to hide behind the covers.

“C’mon Sammy it’s… 4:59 a.m. you need to wake up and join me in this wonderful day” He started almost bouncing in the bed, while he begun to talk about anything that came to his mind. 

“Bucky, shut up it’s 5 a.m!” Sam yelled, and then froze realizing what he had just done. Bucky hold his laugh and smiled wildly. He climbed on the top of Sam and whispered.

“I don’t want to”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you had liked it. I let Sam's reaction to your imagination. Thank your for readin this (if anyone someday reach here).

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated


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